(Originally written March 21, 2012)
I have been feeling the call of God to begin this blog for months now. Yes, months. I kept thinking, “I’ll start it when I feel like I really have a handle on the anxiety. I’m too much of a mess right now.” And while yes, that does sound “reasonable”, and I probably could have talked any of my friends into agreeing with me, it was also my way of (nicely) saying to myself, “I can’t represent God right now. I need to get my act together before I’ll be good enough to represent God.”
When I put it like that, it’s not hard to pick out the flaws in my thinking:
1. None of us will ever be “good enough.” That’s why Jesus came to save us-that is the message of the gospel! (See Romans 5:8)
2. All of us who call ourselves Christians are, in a way, responsible for “representing God.” There is no way around it. Blog or no blog, I represent God.
As Christians, we are one of the ways the world “sees” God. Now, don’t let that worry you. You can rest assured that whether we (you and I and all the other Christians) represent him well or not, He will accomplish what He sets out to do. God gives us the gift and the blessing of being part of it, and I believe that it brings Him great joy when we choose to partner with Him, but he does not need us to cooperate in order to bring His plans to fruition.
3. Christ is made strong in our weakness. If I “had it all together”, then wouldn’t people be more likely to think I was to credit for anything worthwhile said in this blog? In actuality, the glory goes completely to God. So really, the more a mess I am, the more people will know it’s not me that’s to credit! Hehe…or something like that, anyway. 
and lastly…
4. God knows what he’s doing. If he called me, then it wasn’t a mistake.
God knows what He’s doing, if he’s called You, it’s not a mistake.
I believe God can heal me of both the anxiety and depression. I will be happy if someday he does. He has definitely already brought me some relief from both. And in the meantime, while I wait for continued healing, I will do my best to faithfully follow him. I believe He knows and will do what is best. And while I know the Bible tells us not to be anxious (that is a topic for another blog post), maybe, just maybe, at least for this season of life, God has allowed me keep some of the anxiety to make me depend more fully on him.
A magazine theme would make ur blog look nicer
Thank you. I will look into it. I am new to the blogging-scene and definitely appreciate any suggestions!
Nice job Nicki! So true and well written! May the Lord continue to use your “weakness” to strengthen and encourage others!
Hi Nicki,
Thanks for stopping by my blog and reading my post. I was reading on your struggle with anxiety and depression. It is a common struggle that many share. I have actually gone to the ER for a panic attack last year when I was in school full time and working full time. I am still recovering.
One of the best resources that have helped me deal with anxiety and panic (and also relates to depression) is called “When Panic Attacks” by Dr. David Burns. Check it out. It will help you cope with some of the physical symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Take care,
Jeremiah
Thank Jeremiah. I will definitley check out “When Panic Attacks”. What a clever title–thet’s definitley what it felt like: That I was being attacked by panic! Thanks for reading about my story.
I take 2 mg of Ativan for panic attacks and antxeiy. It’s the same as xanax 2 mg. I think xanax has more of an effect on my mood than Ativan. Ativan just takes away the antxeiy. Xanax makes me feel good too.
I have never been on Ativan. I am glad you found something that helps you.
Nurturing your adrenal gldnas is KEY. I used to have panic attacks when I was in my early 30 s and like you, the cure was in getting completely off sugar and eating mostly raw plant foods. Medication will be a crutch, as you probably know doesn’t solve the problem. You can also consult an herbologist about support for the adrenals, to counteract your stress (sometimes an adrenal support formula is available at your health food store?). My guess is that you will get some specific suggestion here, from those who know their herbs. Good luck to you, hang in there. Take some kava kava in water a couple of times a day, too.